~Solomon Prays~

I was reading in 2 Chronicles today and the prayer Solomon said in chapter 6 captured me. What an amazing prayer. What a great example of how to pray. The King kneeling before the alter of the Lord while the congregation of Israel is standing. What a statement in itself! Solomon knelt before his God, showing respect and submission to the King of Kings. He reached for those he didn’t even know, asking God to listen to the cry and prayer of those calling out to him and to forgive them. He covered sin, crime, enemy attacks, drought, famine, war, sickness and ‘strangers’ in his prayer. I don’t believe any stone was left unturned.

2 Chronicles 6:12-42

12And he stood before the altar of the LORD in the presence of all the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands: 13For Solomon had made a brasen scaffold of five cubits long, and five cubits broad, and three cubits high, and had set it in the midst of the court: and upon it he stood, and kneeled down upon his knees before all the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands toward heaven. 14And said, O LORD God of Israel, there is no God like thee in the heaven, nor in the earth; which keepest covenant, and shewest mercy unto thy servants, that walk before thee with all their hearts: 15Thou which hast kept with thy servant David my father that which thou hast promised him; and spakest with thy mouth, and hast fulfilled it with thine hand, as it is this day. 16Now therefore, O LORD God of Israel, keep with thy servant David my father that which thou hast promised him, saying, There shall not fail thee a man in my sight to sit upon the throne of Israel; yet so that thy children take heed to their way to walk in my law, as thou hast walked before me. 17Now then, O LORD God of Israel, let thy word be verified, which thou hast spoken unto thy servant David.

18But will God in very deed dwell with men on the earth? behold, heaven and the heaven of heavens cannot contain thee; how much less this house which I have built! 19Have respect therefore to the prayer of thy servant, and to his supplication, O LORD my God, to hearken unto the cry and the prayer which thy servant prayeth before thee: 20That thine eyes may be open upon this house day and night, upon the place whereof thou hast said that thou wouldest put thy name there; to hearken unto the prayer which thy servant prayeth toward this place. 21Hearken therefore unto the supplications of thy servant, and of thy people Israel, which they shall make toward this place: hear thou from thy dwelling place, even from heaven; and when thou hearest, forgive.

22If a man sin against his neighbour, and an oath be laid upon him to make him swear, and the oath come before thine altar in this house; 23Then hear thou from heaven, and do, and judge thy servants, by requiting the wicked, by recompensing his way upon his own head; and by justifying the righteous, by giving him according to his righteousness.

24And if thy people Israel be put to the worse before the enemy, because they have sinned against thee; and shall return and confess thy name, and pray and make supplication before thee in this house; 25Then hear thou from the heavens, and forgive the sin of thy people Israel, and bring them again unto the land which thou gavest to them and to their fathers.

26When the heaven is shut up, and there is no rain, because they have sinned against thee; yet if they pray toward this place, and confess thy name, and turn from their sin, when thou dost afflict them; 27Then hear thou from heaven, and forgive the sin of thy servants, and of thy people Israel, when thou hast taught them the good way, wherein they should walk; and send rain upon thy land, which thou hast given unto thy people for an inheritance. 28If there be dearth in the land, if there be pestilence, if there be blasting, or mildew, locusts, or caterpillers; if their enemies besiege them in the cities of their land; whatsoever sore or whatsoever sickness there be: 29Then what prayer or what supplication soever shall be made of any man, or of all thy people Israel, when every one shall know his own sore and his own grief, and shall spread forth his hands in this house: 30Then hear thou from heaven thy dwelling place, and forgive, and render unto every man according unto all his ways, whose heart thou knowest; (for thou only knowest the hearts of the children of men:) 31That they may fear thee, to walk in thy ways, so long as they live in the land which thou gavest unto our fathers.

32Moreover concerning the stranger, which is not of thy people Israel, but is come from a far country for thy great name's sake, and thy mighty hand, and thy stretched out arm; if they come and pray in this house; 33Then hear thou from the heavens, even from thy dwelling place, and do according to all that the stranger calleth to thee for; that all people of the earth may know thy name, and fear thee, as doth thy people Israel, and may know that this house which I have built is called by thy name.

34If thy people go out to war against their enemies by the way that thou shalt send them, and they pray unto thee toward this city which thou hast chosen, and the house which I have built for thy name; 35Then hear thou from the heavens their prayer and their supplication, and maintain their cause.

36If they sin against thee, (for there is no man which sinneth not,) and thou be angry with them, and deliver them over before their enemies, and they carry them away captives unto a land far off or near; 37Yet if they bethink themselves in the land whither they are carried captive, and turn and pray unto thee in the land of their captivity, saying, We have sinned, we have done amiss, and have dealt wickedly; 38If they return to thee with all their heart and with all their soul in the land of their captivity, whither they have carried them captives, and pray toward their land, which thou gavest unto their fathers, and toward the city which thou hast chosen, and toward the house which I have built for thy name: 39Then hear thou from the heavens, even from thy dwelling place, their prayer and their supplications, and maintain their cause, and forgive thy people which have sinned against thee.

40Now, my God, let, I beseech thee, thine eyes be open, and let thine ears be attent unto the prayer that is made in this place. 41Now therefore arise, O LORD God, into thy resting place, thou, and the ark of thy strength: let thy priests, O LORD God, be clothed with salvation, and let thy saints rejoice in goodness. 42O LORD God, turn not away the face of thine anointed: remember the mercies of David thy servant.

I can just hear Solomon dedicating the temple to God. Do you know what happened next? HEAVEN CAME DOWN!! God’s glory filled the temple to such an extent that the priests could not even enter into the house. They bowed down and worshipped God from the outside of the building! Talk about having church.

2 Chronicles 7:1-3

1Now when Solomon had made an end of praying, the fire came down from heaven, and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices; and the glory of the LORD filled the house. 2And the priests could not enter into the house of the LORD, because the glory of the LORD had filled the LORD's house. 3And when all the children of Israel saw how the fire came down, and the glory of the LORD upon the house, they bowed themselves with their faces to the ground upon the pavement, and worshipped, and praised the LORD, saying, For he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.

Praise the Lord! For HE is GOOD and HIS mercy endures forever!!

I wanted to turn this prayer personal. After all, we are the temple of the Holy Ghost.

O Lord, my God, there is NO God like you. You have always kept your word and your mercies are new every day. Lord walk before me, lead my footsteps and let me follow in the way you would have me go. Hide your words in my heart Jesus. You are bigger than any problem I face; you are bigger than ANYTHING Lord. Hear my prayer! Incline your ear to the cry and the prayer of my heart. Wash me in your blood and forgive all my sins.

If something happens in any of our lives that we have caused because of our sin, Lord open our eyes that we may see our sin. Let us leave it behind and turn to you. Please hear us when we turn to you, Jesus, and restore us!

Lord when we lift our hands to you let us rest assure that you have inclined your ear to our cry and you are working all things for our good. You know our hearts Lord. Nothing is hid from you. Help us to fear you and to walk in your ways.

Let your presence dwell continually with me Lord. Let those I come in contact with or pass on the street be healed, set free and delivered. Let them turn their attention to you and hear their cry. All for your glory, Lord, that you may be lifted up and feared.

Maintain my cause Lord. Keep me, sustain me, defend me, and uphold me with your mighty hand. Help me to remember you are fighting my battles and that my submission to you will bring a win every time.

If anyone is entangled in sin and have a change of heart. Let them leave sin behind. Hear their prayer Jesus! Let them hear from heaven, maintain their cause and forgive them. Let them walk in the old paths no longer.

My Jesus, my Savior, let your eyes be opened to us and let your ears be attentive to our prayers. Make your abode in our hearts and be our strength. Clothe us with salvation and let us rejoice in your goodness. Lord turn not your face from us! Consume us with the fire of the Holy Ghost. Be everything we are and all that we want to be! AMEN!

Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth? (Galatians 5:7)

1 Peter 4:18

And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?

It seems as if we live in a day where anything and everything is supposed to be accepted. People live in open sin and dare anyone to say it’s wrong. They want to be patted on the back and made to feel comfortable for doing wrong. I am here to say that sin is sin. It is sin if I do it and it is sin if you do it. While God has promised to never leave us, we are able to walk away from him and his grace. 2 Peter 2:21- For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. God’s grace is sufficient and his mercy endures forever, but there is a turning point in our lives where old things pass away and all things become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Isaiah 59:2

But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.

The Bible is very blunt about sin. It goes so far to say ‘to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.’ James 4:17 God hates sin and while he gives us a space of time to repent there comes a time when he draws the line. He has written his commandments in fleshy tables of our hearts. (2 Corinthians 3:3) We can put on a front of not knowing, but God will not close the door with out first pulling and wooing you to come back to him. We cannot walk away from God and expect the blessings of God. God will not be made a mockery of; he will have the final say.

Romans 6

1What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?

2God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

3Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?

4Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

5For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection:

6Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.

7For he that is dead is freed from sin.

8Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him:

9Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him.

10For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.

11Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.

12Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.

13Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.

14For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

15What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid.

16Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?

17But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.

18Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.

19I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness.

20For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness.

21What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death.

22But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life.

23For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 John 3:6-10

6Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.

7Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous.

8He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.

9Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

10In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.

If we say we have no sin, we lie and the truth is not in us (1 John 1:8). This scripture is not an excuse to walk in sin. When we come to ourselves and realize our need of Jesus, we admit we are sinners in need of the blood of Jesus that cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:7) We are sinners SAVED by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8). We then put on the whole armor of God so we can stand (Ephesians 6:11). Not saying we may not stumble or fail in an area, but when we do, we are QUICK to repent. When we repent we turn away from that thing and get our focus back on our Savior. And our Savior leads us down paths of righteousness. (Psalm 23:3)

1 John 2:1-6

1My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:

2And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

3And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.

4He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

5But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him.

6He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.

Revelation 2:5

Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.

Repent-
To feel pain, sorrow or regret for something done or spoken; as, to repent that we have lost much time in idleness or sensual pleasure; to repent that we have injured or wounded the feelings of a friend. A person repents only of what he himself has done or said.

To remember with sorrow; as, to repent rash words; to repent an injury done to a neighbor; to repent follies and vices.

Repentance-

Sorrow for any thing done or said; the pain or grief which a person experiences in consequences of the injury or inconvenience produced by his own conduct.

Real penitence; sorrow or deep contrition for sin, as an offense and dishonor to God, a violation of his holy law, and the basest ingratitude towards a Being of infinite benevolence. This is called evangelical repentance, and is accompanied and followed by amendment of life.

*Definitions from Noah Webster’s 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language

We must embrace his grace and mercy and turn from our wicked ways. If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. -2 Chronicles 7:14 I uploaded a song awhile back as my post. The name of that song is, What’s Wrong with Living Right? (love it) At the end of the song Sara testifies and says, ‘Sometimes there are some things in your life that you just really have a hard time letting go. If we leave things in our life and we end up in hell, there ain’t nothing on this earth that would be worth it.’ She goes on to say, ‘God, if there’s something wrong in my life please tell me. Lord, I know you have a calling on my life, but that doesn’t make me exempt from not getting cut off and going to hell. Just because I have prophecies hanging over my life does not mean that I can’t walk out of the will of the Lord. I just began to plead with the Lord. God please, whatever you have to do, please God, make sure, God, that I am right with you Jesus.’ That testimony has stuck with me. God has a plan for our lives, but we must first submit ourselves to him. Now is the accepted time of salvation. I beg you to turn yourself over to him. Start anew today with a made up mind that NOTHING is worth missing heaven.

Galatians 5:1

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

Hebrews 12:1

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

1 John 1:4

And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.

2 Corinthians 6:1&2

We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain. (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

My 4 year old's mini sermon:   'It's Jesus' way, not our way. Some worship the devil, but WE WORSHIP JESUS. We beat up the devil!!

~God Has It ALL Under Control~

God has been moving in a great way in my life and in lives of those around me. With a great move comes an angry devil who is going to fight and stir up trouble anywhere he possibly can. I have determined in my heart that whatever Satan tries to throw my way, I want to have the opposite reaction of what he wants. If he is bringing battles to try to get my focus off Jesus, I want to draw closer and closer to my Savior. I want to use it as fuel to go a step further in working to let others know about the Prince of Peace. If he comes against my health, I want to touch the hem of the Healers garment. If he comes against my family, I want reach out even more to my Way Maker. When he comes against my mind, I want to drown him out with The Word of Life. Satan has come to kill, steal, destroy, bring confusion, divisions, anger and bitterness and I refuse to give him any more of my time. Determine in your heart to get so far in with Jesus that turning back isn't an option. There is nothing to go back to. We cannot make it without Jesus! You may feel lost in the storm of your life right now, but if you just hold on to Jesus, HE will calm that storm. Satan wants us to think that things are never going to change and that we might as well give up. I want you to know that Satan does not have the final say. GOD DOES! We serve a mighty, mighty big God and He has it all under control.

~LOVE~

There is nothing better to compare my life to than God's word. There are people in my life who have been awesome examples and have helped me get to where I am today, but the one I am striving to be more like is Jesus and the only way to get there is to hide HIS word in my heart.

~

Luke 10:27
And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

~

Matthew 25:34-46

Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:
For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:
I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?
Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.

~

John 15:12-17

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
These things I command you, that ye love one another.

~

Lord, I want to be more like you. I want to be a vessel you work thru, Lord, I want to be more like you.

~My Heart~

I just want to worship him. I want to fall in love with Him over and over and over again. With 3 boys ages 3 and under, I have to be honest, sometimes I wonder why I got dressed and went to church because I have spent the whole service either saying No, No, shhhh, be still, changing diapers and taking the oldest to the bathroom, running out as fast as I can when the get too loud because I don't want to interrupt the entire service or that last and great thing of trying to get ME out of the way. And all my soul wants is a little time to really worship my Savior. So, why do I go? Because I know that even though I may feel like I have missed the entire service, I haven't. There is something in every service that will stick with me, even if I am unaware of it getting in there. And my babies need to be there. My middle son reminded me just this past Sunday night that even though I think he has no idea what is going on... things are sticking with him too! In the middle of one of my Shhhhs, dad said Amen to his prayer and my son looked up and said Amen! :)

You see, the thing I have to remember is that I haven't always even had that desire to worship Jesus. Especially that longing from inside that seems to already be worshipping when I feel like I just need that worship time. And while I want to worship from the outside too, (I do get to at times), God sees my heart. My heart of worship. I am thankful that he is my heart's desire and that I have that longing to worship and to be in the house of the Lord.

~

As the deer panteth for the water

So my soul longeth after you

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship you

You alone are my strength, my shield

To you alone may my spirit yield

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship you

~

Psalm 27:4-5

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

~

I was glad when they said unto me, let us go to the house of the Lord.

There is peace, sweet peace

There is peace in the house of the Lord.

I was glad when they said unto me, let us to to the house of the Lord.

There is love, true love

There is love in the house of the Lord.

I was glad when they said unto me, let us go to the house of the Lord.

There is hope, our only hope

There is hope in the house of the Lord.

~Slow To Speak~

Proverbs 16:24

Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

~

It may be easy for some, but some days it is like climbing Mount Everest for me. My prayer today is that the Lord help me to guard my tongue and my heart. My mouth seems to fly open too quickly when something hits close to my heart. Jesus help me to guard my heart. Help me to be patient, to show mercy and be slow to speak.

Proverbs is full of verses telling us guard what comes out of our mouth. James chapter 3 tells us what an unruly member our tongue can be. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, but as followers of Christ we are striving to be more like him and to have his attributes. One day at a time!

~

James 3:17-18

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, with out partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

~A Simple Thank You~

So, things just don't seem to be going according to plan. You know, my plan. I know God's plan is still in tack, I just don't know how that plan plays out. I know that he is working all things for my good, but it would be nice to just have a little peep hole to see just how things are going to work out. No, I am not having some life threatening or serious issues. It is just those pride breaking issues that get to me so badly at times. So, while I am in the midst of my pity party the other day. God speaks to me through my oldest son. I had fixed his breakfast and he was eating while watching his morning cartoons. I was washing dishes and thinking about how it would be nice to make land or a house appear that is just what we are looking for and in our budget and how my husband's truck had broken down and had to be fixed among other things. You know that whirlwind that gets going in that thing some of us call a brain. Out of the blue Thomas says 'Dank you Mommy.' Yes, that is it, just a simple thank you. No one told him to say thank you, it just came out on its own. It melted my heart. Then it was like my mind immediately went right to- You know God probably loves hearing those two words from his children. I bet it melts his heart too.
So instead of grumbling and complaining about how these little things don't seem to be going right, I having been trying to keep a thankful spirit. God has always provided. I have always had a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, more than enough food to eat, clothes to wear and the list goes on and on. I have so much to be thankful for and if I am thanking God for all of those things, then my mind doesn't have time to zone in on those things that don't really matter because God always provides.

From My Heart

January 7, 2003
My worst fear is being alone and not having children. It looks like I have helped bring it to pass. I can’t say I wasn’t warned before I heard the gun go off. Wanting to believe the best in people – always some doubt, but grasping for the good. This is the second birthday that I have spent alone- how does that work? I need to move on and face my worst fear. I don’t want to start over- just to be shot again. I might not wake up next time . . .

March 23, 2003
ALONE, that’s where I am, but now that I am here it doesn’t seem too bad. It still isn’t what I want . . . I’d rather be with someone I love, but things don’t always work the way I think they should. Some people are meant to be alone. Maybe this is how it’s meant for me. You can’t change how things are meant to be- you just have to love and be happy with- right? I hope to God that is WRONG! “It is better to live and have known true love than to never know love at all.” Don’t you end up lonely either way? A love that will stand thru everything that comes to try to tear it apart. That is what I need and long for~

June 23, 2003
I feel like I am losing my mind! I am so sick of being alone! I think I am just going to wake up one morning and my mind will be completely gone. I deserve so much more than I am allowing myself to have. I think the fact that I know I could easily have so much more, makes it even worse. Why do I make things so much harder on myself?


That is the evidence left from a very miserable and lonely person. A person that just wanted to be happy and feel loved. They are exact excerpts from a very short journal I kept in 2003. I am so thankful that the only thing left from that person is memories. They are now my reminder of what Jesus brought me out of.

I was cleaning out a closet when I ran across some memories of what was my life. I had forgot the journal even existed. Not saying I forgot that part of my life or my failures. They are never far from my mind. Satan tries to use them often to pull me down. I know it was God that I ran across this little memento. My battles today lean more towards: “No matter what you do- it just isn’t good enough.” or “You are just never going to measure up.” They now seem to be such huge mountains that I have to conquer. I get so overwhelmed at times trying to be ‘perfect.’ God used my own words to make my mountains look like molehills. I love it when he does that!

Pam sings that song:
I searched for him and I knew not what I searched for
I longed for him and I knew not what I longed for
When I met Jesus, I knew that I would search no more
He filled that longing-down in my soul

You know he does this for us all the time. We don’t know what we need or the exact answers, but He does. We don’t have to search and search. He is our answer!
At that point my entire life was a battle. A battle to for sanity, a feeling of belonging and for real love- all the things I had before I strayed from God. After reading my journal, I spent the rest of the day thanking my God for where he has brought me. I am so glad he didn’t give up on me and that he allowed me another chance. I am so thankful for my new life. I have been washed in the blood of the Lamb. Just a little mind visit to the past that reminded me that I am NOT where I was and I know God isn’t finished with me yet.

There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and change. I know I can’t, but if I could- one of those would be the hurt and worry I caused my family. During my time running from God I missed a lot of valuable time with my family. Time I can never get back. I would go days if not a week at a time without talking to my parents. They would call, along with other family members, and I would avoid even a phone conversation like the plague. I knew I wasn’t living right and I didn’t want to face the shame and hear the disappointment or worry in their voices. I know it had to feel at times that their heart was being torn from their chest. I now sit and feel my heart sink to my toes at the thought of the time I allowed to pass without spending time with my family. While I was running, time wasn’t waiting.

My daddy used to ride past where I was living just to make sure I was ok. And no one has to tell me, but I can picture my mom lying in the bed with her heart aching while she cried out to God for my safety and my soul. It breaks my heart to think of the pain I caused them. Our choices do affect those around us.

Another regret I have is missing Bro Hall’s (Pawpaw Hall’s) services. He was like family to me. I know he loved me too. I never got to see him that one last time or to say good-bye. How I would love to just one more time sit in one of his meetings. To hear him say, “Leap for Joy” or hear him sing ‘This is Why I’m Thankful’ and include his personal testimony of praying in the cabbage patch or ‘Didn’t Rain Children – Didn’t it Rain’ or hear his sermon on the blood . . . I could go on and on. He was a prophet. A man who totally dedicated his entire being to God and in return God used him to touch the lives of so many. You could feel when he walked into the room. God’s anointing was on him constantly it seemed. I can literally picture Jesus sitting in a room with him having a conversation. Just like we read about how God walked with Adam in the cool of the day. It is a reminder that we need to keep striving, keep walking because God longs for that kind of relationship with us too. That is why we were created. God wants to fellowship with us.

He’s still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient he must be
He’s still working on me

There really ought to be
A sign upon my heart
Don’t judge me yet there’s some unfinished parts
But I’ll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master’s loving hand.

It is simple song from my childhood that seems to have a brand new meaning to me. When I feel the devil trying to take my thoughts – I sing it to him. I make sure I give special emphasis to the “I’ll be PERFECT just according to HIS plan – fashioned by the Master’s loving hand.”
I am so thankful for a praying family. A family that fears God and that lives their life as a testimony of his goodness. If it had not been for the Lord on my side . . . where would I be?
Psalm 61:5
For thou hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name.