I grew up in church. I saw many things while growing up in church that never left my life quite the same . . . wonderful things that touched the lives of many and changed many lives for the good. When I turned 18 I went my own way and church was no longer a priority in my life. Choices that I made in those years made my life harder than it ever had to be. Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way. I know not a day went by that my family didn’t pray for me and ask God to keep me and bring me back to Him. God answers prayers!
After getting out on my own I made decisions that brought sadness and emptiness to my life. I lost the joy that God had given me. I would pop into church here and there and at times feel like I had the determination to do what was right. I would pray and start going to church more regular, but my life outside of the church was still the same. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to rise above the situation I had allowed myself to fall into. I would get frustrated with my failures and give up. Knowing deep down I would never be able to do it on my own, but not quite to the point of grasping what that really meant.
It was about two years ago at a tent revival that I can look back on and see how God started changing my life. I had come to the end of my rope. The situation that I had wanted so badly to rise above had pulled me down physically and mentally and I couldn’t take anymore. I went to the alter that night and I cried out like I have never cried out to God before. I told Him that I had tried many times on my own and fell flat on my face every time. I wanted a better life and I wanted to do what was right, but my desire for the things of this world had not let go. I told God that He would have to be the one to change my desires and change my situation because I could not do it on my own. Not long after saying those words to God, the preacher prayed for me and then told me that he could see me sitting in my house telling God that I just wanted to be happy . . . why couldn’t I just be happy. He also told me that night there would be a change in my life. I wouldn’t be the same. I had told no one, but God knew. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I sat on the couch in my house and just looked up in tears and literally said out loud “Why can’t I just be happy. I just want to be happy.” I was miserable and the hardest part to deal with was my decisions had made me this way.
I cannot tell you how many times I have thought back to that night. No, my life has not been anywhere close to perfect since that night, but God has continued to move despite my failures. It was the following January that I was finally able to leave the situation I was in . . . it had to be God because I had tried many times before and fell right back into it. That February I ran into who is now my husband and best friend. He made sure that we came to church every Sunday night. Things in my life still were not the way that I knew they should have been, but God was making me new.
Eddie and I would talk about church and the different messages we would hear. I told my husband several times that no matter what was going on, even though my life wasn’t the way it should have been when I would go to church I felt peace. There was nothing else we would do that even came close to that peace. Sister Becky Trammel was at the church one weekend and I had really been ministered to by the sermons she had preached. Even the songs that were sung got down deep in my soul and I could feel God’s presence. It was after church one of those nights that I looked at Eddie and said, “You know that peace that we feel when we go to church? Why can’t I just feel that all the time?” His response was, “We can.” It was that simple. We could feel that peace all the time.
I look back now and not only did God bring me from my rock bottom, but He has changed my desires. Not saying temptations don’t come my way, but the desire to do the things that this world offers, the things that bring you down lower than you ever want to go . . . that desire is gone. I look at things differently now. I miss church and I can’t help but wonder what I have missed. My dad has even preach a sermon saying “Sin will take you further than you want to go and make you pay more than you are willing to pay.” I cannot think of a truer statement. The greatest miracle is that God can turn it all around, all we have to do it ask.
Psalms 4
Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness; Thou has enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, an hear my prayer. O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? How long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? But know that the Lord hath set him that is godly for himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not; commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord. There be many that say Who will shew us any good? Lord, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us. Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord only makest me dwell in safety.
After getting out on my own I made decisions that brought sadness and emptiness to my life. I lost the joy that God had given me. I would pop into church here and there and at times feel like I had the determination to do what was right. I would pray and start going to church more regular, but my life outside of the church was still the same. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to rise above the situation I had allowed myself to fall into. I would get frustrated with my failures and give up. Knowing deep down I would never be able to do it on my own, but not quite to the point of grasping what that really meant.
It was about two years ago at a tent revival that I can look back on and see how God started changing my life. I had come to the end of my rope. The situation that I had wanted so badly to rise above had pulled me down physically and mentally and I couldn’t take anymore. I went to the alter that night and I cried out like I have never cried out to God before. I told Him that I had tried many times on my own and fell flat on my face every time. I wanted a better life and I wanted to do what was right, but my desire for the things of this world had not let go. I told God that He would have to be the one to change my desires and change my situation because I could not do it on my own. Not long after saying those words to God, the preacher prayed for me and then told me that he could see me sitting in my house telling God that I just wanted to be happy . . . why couldn’t I just be happy. He also told me that night there would be a change in my life. I wouldn’t be the same. I had told no one, but God knew. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I sat on the couch in my house and just looked up in tears and literally said out loud “Why can’t I just be happy. I just want to be happy.” I was miserable and the hardest part to deal with was my decisions had made me this way.
I cannot tell you how many times I have thought back to that night. No, my life has not been anywhere close to perfect since that night, but God has continued to move despite my failures. It was the following January that I was finally able to leave the situation I was in . . . it had to be God because I had tried many times before and fell right back into it. That February I ran into who is now my husband and best friend. He made sure that we came to church every Sunday night. Things in my life still were not the way that I knew they should have been, but God was making me new.
Eddie and I would talk about church and the different messages we would hear. I told my husband several times that no matter what was going on, even though my life wasn’t the way it should have been when I would go to church I felt peace. There was nothing else we would do that even came close to that peace. Sister Becky Trammel was at the church one weekend and I had really been ministered to by the sermons she had preached. Even the songs that were sung got down deep in my soul and I could feel God’s presence. It was after church one of those nights that I looked at Eddie and said, “You know that peace that we feel when we go to church? Why can’t I just feel that all the time?” His response was, “We can.” It was that simple. We could feel that peace all the time.
I look back now and not only did God bring me from my rock bottom, but He has changed my desires. Not saying temptations don’t come my way, but the desire to do the things that this world offers, the things that bring you down lower than you ever want to go . . . that desire is gone. I look at things differently now. I miss church and I can’t help but wonder what I have missed. My dad has even preach a sermon saying “Sin will take you further than you want to go and make you pay more than you are willing to pay.” I cannot think of a truer statement. The greatest miracle is that God can turn it all around, all we have to do it ask.
Psalms 4
Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness; Thou has enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, an hear my prayer. O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? How long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? But know that the Lord hath set him that is godly for himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not; commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord. There be many that say Who will shew us any good? Lord, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us. Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord only makest me dwell in safety.
Proverbs 3:25-26
Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep they foot from being taken.
He Will Make A Way
God will make a way where there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to his side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way for me
Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep they foot from being taken.
He Will Make A Way
God will make a way where there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to his side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way for me
Angie this has really helped me
ReplyDeleteI know what it is to be unhappy
and with out God I am nothing