~Pressing On~

I have allowed the devil to beat me up long enough about my past. When I first rededicated my life to Jesus, I struggled with the shame, the hurt and the fears of my past. I’d finally get to a point that I felt like I was starting to conquer and it would haunt my dreams. I had nightmares on and off for a good year if not more. I prayed and prayed about it and finally God replaced those nightmares. I started having dreams where I saw myself being filled with the Holy Ghost; dreams that woke me up with a hunger to want to know my Jesus more. Talk about feeling on top of the world. I just knew my past would not haunt me anymore.

This past year I had a slap in the face of that person I used to be. This reminder showed up in my place of refuge. I kept praying that God would help me. The thought of I who I was makes me sick. That is not who I am. Sin makes you become something/someone you are not meant to be. God does not throw our past in our face. Once we ask his forgiveness, he truly forgives and does not remember it against us.

I’ve recently had another part of my past brought to my attention (as if I don’t know it). My running from God caused hurt to my family, myself and to all those who love me. I am in no way proud of that and I am fully aware of it. My family knows more about me, my past and my present than anyone. They have stayed by my side through the hurt and shame that my choices brought.

When I first started back to church I did not over night become a sold out Christian. My husband made a point for us to go because he knew it made my parents happy. However, even though I wasn’t fully aware at the time – I was being changed. You cannot continually stay in the presence of God and not be changed. It took a couple years for me to fully surrender my life (all that I knew to surrender). I now know it is a daily surrendering to Jesus.

I may have got a slow start, but you’ve come far too late to change my mind or turn me around. God has done too much for me and has been OH SO real to me. Sin is WRONG. It was wrong for me to run from God and to walk in sin. Sin is wrong when I do it and it is wrong when you do it. None of my sinful past was God’s will for my life. I’m so ashamed and I would change it if I could, but I can’t. I CAN change today, tomorrow and the rest of my life. I am ever so thankful that Jesus changed me. I am thankful for HIS forgiveness and I am thankful that he has changed my desires. I am a work in progress. God will continue to mold me until he calls me home. I know he will because I have committed my life to Him- I am His. He bought me with a precious price.

So, it seems that in one way or another, the devil will try to remind me of my past. I think it’s because he is scared of his future. I know my sins are covered by the blood of Jesus. My past can hinder me no more than I will allow it. So, whether it is dreams, confronting it or people reminding me, it is still just that- the PAST. It is not who I am and I will not allow it to determine my future. I am a child of the King and I am looking to walk into everything He has for me. My goal is to please Jesus. He holds my life in his hand and heaven will be my home.

If you struggle with the devil reminding you of your past, I pray this post helps you become more determined to keep walking with Jesus. Don’t let that devil ride! We will overcome. Let it be a reminder to keep your head up because you are a child of the King. God has great things is store for his children, don’t allow your past to keep you from your future in Christ. We have been bought with a price and washed in the blood of the Lamb.

Philippians 3:12-14

Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.