As I journey thru this land
There is but one who understands
All the troubles and the trials I go thru
There is one way up above
Looking down in peace and love
And he tells me that I am born again
We got a phone call yesterday morning with bad news. I almost instantly went into a battle of my mind. It seems like for the last year and a half it has been on thing after the other with my family. This morning I just wanted to hide away from it all. I know things happen and it’s called life, but man can we get a break? I want a decent lengthy break from the emotional roller coaster of sickness, surgeries and death. I looked only at the bad and it overwhelmed me. It all started last June when we got the phone call that my cousin passed away in a car accident. I stood at his grave and literally felt like a part of me was being buried with him. The same Saturday I came home, my second son (who was 5 weeks at the time) was admitted to the hospital and had surgery that Sunday to cut a muscle around the valve connecting the stomach to the intestine. The muscle was too large and stopping the stomach from emptying. He was throwing up everything he ate. Within a few months time, my mom had major surgery and I couldn’t be there because my son and I were both sick. My Grandfather had a stroke and ended up in surgery. One of my Uncles ended up having a total of 3 surgeries with a very long recovery process. My Aunt had a mass removed from her thyroid. My husband’s step Grandmother passed away. My Grandmother got a report of cancer and had to have surgery. The day before yesterday we got a call that another Uncle of mine had been burned badly. So bringing us up to date was the report yesterday morning of my Great Uncle getting a bad report, which we are still praying about. These are some major things that happened within my family. I don’t think I have left anything out. There were even more that involved our church family. So, as you can see an emotional roller coaster. I know I am not the only one. It seems like all around people are having the same type of circumstances.
Every piece of bad news I get, it brings back all the things that have happened and that feeling of helplessness and that feeling of being overwhelmed seems to get greater with each thing and this morning it was almost like I could break under the load. A load that I hadn’t even really noticed being so heavy until I fed into this mind battle. Grant it, it is in the back of my mind and to be completely honest it has gotten to the point that I dread hearing my phone ring at times because I am afraid it will be more bad news and I just don’t know what I am going to do or how I am going to deal.
I got to church and the sermon was on having peace and rest within, even when things seemed to be falling around you. It was reminding me of what I already new, but wasn’t focusing on. With every trial, I can say that inside there was a peace and a sense of calm even when part of me felt like it didn’t know which way to turn.
I came home and the DVDs I ordered of the ladies retreat had come in so I had to watch one and the sermon was about the journey and it related this Christian walk with the climbing Mount Everest. The process that people have to go thru to get to the top and how it isn’t as much about reaching the top as it is about your journey (or the climb). How during this journey you find out who you really are down deep inside. I wish I could load the DVD on here because I know I am not doing it justice.
You see, my focus went straight to the bad and that little voice saying “It’s never going to stop. There will never be an end to the bad news. You aren’t going to be able to take much more.” My biggest battle is with myself. Trying to overcome my own thoughts and taking control of my mind. Where should my focus have gone? Seeing how most of the storms have passed, I should have reminded myself of how my God saw me through each one.
My son is now 19 months and eats like a champ. Even during the battle, the doctor couldn’t explain to me why he had gained 4oz instead of losing since the ultrasound clearly showed nothing getting past his stomach. That night in the ER I felt a strength come to me that was not of myself. A surgery that they said would last 2 hours including recovery, only took 45 minutes (including recovery). We have since had our 3rd son who is a growing healthy boy. My mom, aunt, uncle, granddaddy and grandmother who had surgeries are now doing great. My Grandmother was told after surgery that they got all the cancer, so she is now cancer free. She is still recovering, but that is to be expected because it has only been 3 weeks since surgery. My Granddaddy had a stroke while visiting his sister. He couldn’t speak when it happened. My Granny and his sister went to praying and speaking in tongues and by the time the ambulance got there he was talking again. He came through surgery. He didn’t have to have any type of therapy. His voice was weak for awhile and they weren’t for sure if it would come back, but it did. Of course it did! You see my Granddaddy sings, testifies and prays at church and how could he keep doing that if God didn’t give him his voice back? I have a promise that I did not say my final good bye to the ones I love. I have a promise I will see them again because even though I don’t understand, I trust that the God I serve has it all under control. He knows what He is doing. My uncle that got burned is home now and is in pain, but things could have been a lot worse. The doctor told him he was a lucky man. They call it lucky, we call it blessed. Things with my Great Uncle are still up in the air and we are praying. There is no doubt that God has been with us through it all.
He has been our refuge, strength and our strong tower. One thing is for sure, the trials may not end here, but they will end one day. The devil will not take our faith; each step is bringing us closer to our Creator. Jesus is the only one we can completely depend on. Our trials are giving us testimony after testimony of what God can do and showing others that with God on our side we can make it through anything. Things happen in life to Christian and non Christian. It rains on the just and the unjust. I don’t want to do this journey without my Savior. I’ve tried, it doesn’t work and I don’t want to do it without Him again. I don’t have all my hopes set on this life. I am becoming more and more homesick for a city whose builder and maker is God. A land with no more parting, no heartache, sorrow, pain and no tears! All will be peace forever more at the feet of Jesus! Oh what a day that will be!
~
What a day that will be
When my Jesus I shall see
And I look upon His face
The one who saved me by his Grace
When he takes me by the hand
And leads me thru the Promised Land
What a day, glorious day, that will be!
~
Philippians 1:6 (Whole Chapter) Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
Every piece of bad news I get, it brings back all the things that have happened and that feeling of helplessness and that feeling of being overwhelmed seems to get greater with each thing and this morning it was almost like I could break under the load. A load that I hadn’t even really noticed being so heavy until I fed into this mind battle. Grant it, it is in the back of my mind and to be completely honest it has gotten to the point that I dread hearing my phone ring at times because I am afraid it will be more bad news and I just don’t know what I am going to do or how I am going to deal.
I got to church and the sermon was on having peace and rest within, even when things seemed to be falling around you. It was reminding me of what I already new, but wasn’t focusing on. With every trial, I can say that inside there was a peace and a sense of calm even when part of me felt like it didn’t know which way to turn.
I came home and the DVDs I ordered of the ladies retreat had come in so I had to watch one and the sermon was about the journey and it related this Christian walk with the climbing Mount Everest. The process that people have to go thru to get to the top and how it isn’t as much about reaching the top as it is about your journey (or the climb). How during this journey you find out who you really are down deep inside. I wish I could load the DVD on here because I know I am not doing it justice.
You see, my focus went straight to the bad and that little voice saying “It’s never going to stop. There will never be an end to the bad news. You aren’t going to be able to take much more.” My biggest battle is with myself. Trying to overcome my own thoughts and taking control of my mind. Where should my focus have gone? Seeing how most of the storms have passed, I should have reminded myself of how my God saw me through each one.
My son is now 19 months and eats like a champ. Even during the battle, the doctor couldn’t explain to me why he had gained 4oz instead of losing since the ultrasound clearly showed nothing getting past his stomach. That night in the ER I felt a strength come to me that was not of myself. A surgery that they said would last 2 hours including recovery, only took 45 minutes (including recovery). We have since had our 3rd son who is a growing healthy boy. My mom, aunt, uncle, granddaddy and grandmother who had surgeries are now doing great. My Grandmother was told after surgery that they got all the cancer, so she is now cancer free. She is still recovering, but that is to be expected because it has only been 3 weeks since surgery. My Granddaddy had a stroke while visiting his sister. He couldn’t speak when it happened. My Granny and his sister went to praying and speaking in tongues and by the time the ambulance got there he was talking again. He came through surgery. He didn’t have to have any type of therapy. His voice was weak for awhile and they weren’t for sure if it would come back, but it did. Of course it did! You see my Granddaddy sings, testifies and prays at church and how could he keep doing that if God didn’t give him his voice back? I have a promise that I did not say my final good bye to the ones I love. I have a promise I will see them again because even though I don’t understand, I trust that the God I serve has it all under control. He knows what He is doing. My uncle that got burned is home now and is in pain, but things could have been a lot worse. The doctor told him he was a lucky man. They call it lucky, we call it blessed. Things with my Great Uncle are still up in the air and we are praying. There is no doubt that God has been with us through it all.
He has been our refuge, strength and our strong tower. One thing is for sure, the trials may not end here, but they will end one day. The devil will not take our faith; each step is bringing us closer to our Creator. Jesus is the only one we can completely depend on. Our trials are giving us testimony after testimony of what God can do and showing others that with God on our side we can make it through anything. Things happen in life to Christian and non Christian. It rains on the just and the unjust. I don’t want to do this journey without my Savior. I’ve tried, it doesn’t work and I don’t want to do it without Him again. I don’t have all my hopes set on this life. I am becoming more and more homesick for a city whose builder and maker is God. A land with no more parting, no heartache, sorrow, pain and no tears! All will be peace forever more at the feet of Jesus! Oh what a day that will be!
~
What a day that will be
When my Jesus I shall see
And I look upon His face
The one who saved me by his Grace
When he takes me by the hand
And leads me thru the Promised Land
What a day, glorious day, that will be!
~
Philippians 1:6 (Whole Chapter) Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
~
Jeremiah 6:16 (Whole Chapter) Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls.
Jeremiah 6:16 (Whole Chapter) Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls.
~
Hebrews 11:10 (Whole Chapter) For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
Hebrews 11:10 (Whole Chapter) For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
I love this post! You describe exactly how I have felt this whole past year. I always tell my husband that I hate when I have time to sit and think about things going on. Thank you for writing this post.
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